The rain was still coming down in torrents, but when did rain ever stop a Scotsman? Time to get some sightseeing done!
First stop on my list was Cafe Sybille, a museum with some stuff about the East Germans in it. After walking in the pishing rain to get there the place was shut. Great start!
Next I decided to go to the DDR museum, again a museum about the East (the DDR bit might have given that away), as you no doubt know I'm a massive communist so I love all that sort of guff. The museum was quite small, but had some interesting exhibits, including a fully furnished DDR style apartment. There was also an entire wall dedicated to nudism, apparently they were big into that in the east, who knew? After an hour or two of looking at that wall I decided to move on.
I jumped on the S-bahn next, to go to the Berlin zoo. The bloke at the entrance said it wouldn't really be worthwhile as most of the animals were in their huts, apparently raging at the rain. So I took his advice and hit a slack bolt back to the subway, but what's this? A bloke giving me a flier for the erotic museum across the road? That sounds like something I would enjoy!
The erotic museum can only be described as the most hilarious place which is supposed to be serious I've ever been to. I tried wandering around with the other people who were really interested in the history of erotica, but there's only so many Japanese cartoons of comically sized genitalia you can look at before you have to burst out laughing. Apparently laughing is frowned upon, so I left them to it and fired back to the hostel for a kip before the big night out with the lads!
The lads had got some Irish birds back to the room for some pre-club bevvying, and luckily enough one of the lasses spoke Spanish so we had an interpreter for the night! We all ended up in a club called "The Matrix" which was a bit of a hole, but the lads were cracking banter. On the way back to the hostel the lads got chatting to some more females, honestly these Spanish boys don't even have to try, it's incredible to watch them in action.
Back to the hostel and it was bed time for me (it was 6 in the morning after all) but the rest of the lads stayed up drinking in the bar, don't think they'll be seeing many sights tomorrow!
Sunday, 31 July 2011
Saturday, 30 July 2011
Day Five - Herzlich Willkommen in Berlin
Grudgingly I left the Mexican temptress behind (my aftershave didn't work, damn you Giorgio Armani!) and headed for the station to get the next leg of the journey underway!
Hamburg - Berlin
I got on the express train only to find that all of the seats were reserved even though no one was sitting in them, and when I asked the conductor if I could sit in an unused seat she told me no, clearly she's never heard the Burt Bacharach classic "A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sitting there". The hard nosed bint, you wouldn't get this rubbish on good old British Rail would you? Ended up chatting to some liverpudlian lads in the same predicament (I say chatted, they spoke while I frantically looked for a google translator for scouse), and we decided she could jam it, and sat down anyway. A good long chat about footy ensued, the boy told me he hated Walter Smith because he ran over his foot once and broke it, I personally would have been honoured if Sir Walter had run over my foot. The conductor came back and told us to move so we told her to jam it again, she wasn't amused but she didn't come back, a victory for the British!
The weather in Berlin is absolutely shocking, torrential rain. Even more shocking was that my first though wasn't "shit I'm going to get wet", it was "hoho someone's in for some flood claims if this keeps up". Once an underwriter, always an underwriter.
Eventually I got to my hostel and up to my room, to find all the other beds occupied by lads spark out sleeping. So I decided to take a nap as well as I was going nowhere in that rain. Woke up about six and they were all still sleeping, so decided to go and get something to eat. CURRYWURST! I had forgotten how good it is, a meal of champions if ever there was one.
By the time I got back to the room the rest of the lads were up, 7 mentalists from Madrid, and possibly the nicest guys I've met since I've been away. After 5 minutes they were telling me to come and stay with them in Madrid and they would show me all the party hotspots, and they were now my Spanish family!
To go off on a slight tangent as I am known to do at times, the British attitude to foreign languages is shocking. Yes they make us learn French or German in school, but what use are those languages other than for their own country? Half the bloody world speaks Spanish and I can only barely order a beer or some ice cream in that language. The arrogance of most of our (glorious) nation in expecting everyone else to speak English is a disgrace, I shall be writing a strongly worded letter to the education authority upon my return!
I decided not to go out as I wanted to get a good sleep for plenty of sight seeing the next day, so I said cheerio to them and they went out to get smashed. Watch out Berlin, tomorrow night Pedro is hitting the clubs hard with the Spanish posse!
Hamburg - Berlin
I got on the express train only to find that all of the seats were reserved even though no one was sitting in them, and when I asked the conductor if I could sit in an unused seat she told me no, clearly she's never heard the Burt Bacharach classic "A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sitting there". The hard nosed bint, you wouldn't get this rubbish on good old British Rail would you? Ended up chatting to some liverpudlian lads in the same predicament (I say chatted, they spoke while I frantically looked for a google translator for scouse), and we decided she could jam it, and sat down anyway. A good long chat about footy ensued, the boy told me he hated Walter Smith because he ran over his foot once and broke it, I personally would have been honoured if Sir Walter had run over my foot. The conductor came back and told us to move so we told her to jam it again, she wasn't amused but she didn't come back, a victory for the British!
The weather in Berlin is absolutely shocking, torrential rain. Even more shocking was that my first though wasn't "shit I'm going to get wet", it was "hoho someone's in for some flood claims if this keeps up". Once an underwriter, always an underwriter.
Eventually I got to my hostel and up to my room, to find all the other beds occupied by lads spark out sleeping. So I decided to take a nap as well as I was going nowhere in that rain. Woke up about six and they were all still sleeping, so decided to go and get something to eat. CURRYWURST! I had forgotten how good it is, a meal of champions if ever there was one.
By the time I got back to the room the rest of the lads were up, 7 mentalists from Madrid, and possibly the nicest guys I've met since I've been away. After 5 minutes they were telling me to come and stay with them in Madrid and they would show me all the party hotspots, and they were now my Spanish family!
To go off on a slight tangent as I am known to do at times, the British attitude to foreign languages is shocking. Yes they make us learn French or German in school, but what use are those languages other than for their own country? Half the bloody world speaks Spanish and I can only barely order a beer or some ice cream in that language. The arrogance of most of our (glorious) nation in expecting everyone else to speak English is a disgrace, I shall be writing a strongly worded letter to the education authority upon my return!
I decided not to go out as I wanted to get a good sleep for plenty of sight seeing the next day, so I said cheerio to them and they went out to get smashed. Watch out Berlin, tomorrow night Pedro is hitting the clubs hard with the Spanish posse!
Friday, 29 July 2011
Day Four - Beatles and Boats
I woke up slightly grumpy today as the Chinese guy next to me had been snoring all night, which infuriated me no end. I went down for the breakfast in the hostel, which also infuriated me as it was gash.
Not to be downhearted, I checked my iPad for things to do in hamburg. Hold on, there's a massive Beatles museum here?!? JACKPOT. I was excited for the first time since the bananabar. I got my walking legs on and took on the trek to the museum. Who knew the Beatles lived in Hamburg before they made it big? Certainly not me! The museum was excellent, particularly one story of how George and Paul put a condom on a nail hanging from a wall and set it on fire, thereby getting done for arson. Those jokers!
After the museum I went for a long wander, and ended up at the harbour where the boat tours were leaving from, so thought I might as well go on one. In my typical British arrogance I assumed the tour would be in English, it is after all for tourists. WRONG. The entire thing was in German and I didn't have a clue what the guy was saying. Still I went for a jolly on a boat for an hour so it wasn't too bad.
It was getting near tea time so I went and had some more German meat (steady now). Asking for stuff without salad is becoming such a pain that I'll either have to start eating it or just pick it off myself, probably the latter option.
I retired to my room to read for a while and think about going out for a few swallies, when what can only be described as a Latina goddess entered the room and bagsy'd the bed next to me. Cha-ching! Maybe Hamburg isn't so bad after all!
Not to be downhearted, I checked my iPad for things to do in hamburg. Hold on, there's a massive Beatles museum here?!? JACKPOT. I was excited for the first time since the bananabar. I got my walking legs on and took on the trek to the museum. Who knew the Beatles lived in Hamburg before they made it big? Certainly not me! The museum was excellent, particularly one story of how George and Paul put a condom on a nail hanging from a wall and set it on fire, thereby getting done for arson. Those jokers!
After the museum I went for a long wander, and ended up at the harbour where the boat tours were leaving from, so thought I might as well go on one. In my typical British arrogance I assumed the tour would be in English, it is after all for tourists. WRONG. The entire thing was in German and I didn't have a clue what the guy was saying. Still I went for a jolly on a boat for an hour so it wasn't too bad.
It was getting near tea time so I went and had some more German meat (steady now). Asking for stuff without salad is becoming such a pain that I'll either have to start eating it or just pick it off myself, probably the latter option.
I retired to my room to read for a while and think about going out for a few swallies, when what can only be described as a Latina goddess entered the room and bagsy'd the bed next to me. Cha-ching! Maybe Hamburg isn't so bad after all!
Thursday, 28 July 2011
Day Three - Hiya Germany!
I woke up in fine fettle on my last day in Amsterdam, ready to get the real travelling under way. Humming Bilbo's travelling song to myself I headed for Amsterdam Centraal Station, and got the three part journey to Hamburg started.
First leg - Amsterdam to Hilversum
Nothing much happened on this leg as it was only half an hour, apparently there are no international trains from Amsterdam so I had to go to this backwater place to really get going.
Second leg - Hilversum to Osnabruck
Struck up a conversation with some Irish birds heading for Berlin and had a game of UNO with them, which helped pass the time. Also, when we crossed the German border, three blokes got chucked off the train by policemen with guns. I presumed they were carrying some illegal substances across the border but I never found out unfortunately.
Third leg - Osnabruck to Hamburg
The conductors messages all being in German are now beginning to annoy me as I have no clue what he is saying. A nun sat next to me for a while which was a little awkward, I though about sharing some militant atheism with her but decided against it, the message would only be weakened in translation.
As soon as I stepped out of the train station and saw lassies wearing nice dresses with Nike air max trainers, I knew I was in Germany. Magic.
I made it to the hostel ok, and went to check in. Unfortunately I booked the hostel for June, not July. Well done son, well done. Fortunately there was a spare bed for 2 nights so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
After having a siesta (is it still called a siesta if you have it in Germany?) I decided to get some proper German food. What else am I going to eat here other than hamburgers? After that I headed for the debauchery of the Reeperbahn. It was like a mini-Amsterdam, but not as good. I wandered about for a bit, got a few drinks then fired back to the hostel.
Hamburg so far hasn't been all it's cracked up to be, the nightlife is supposed to be the biggest draw, maybe it's better in a group but for me Amsterdam beats it without breaking a sweat. Hopefully I can find some sights tomorrow to make up for it!
First leg - Amsterdam to Hilversum
Nothing much happened on this leg as it was only half an hour, apparently there are no international trains from Amsterdam so I had to go to this backwater place to really get going.
Second leg - Hilversum to Osnabruck
Struck up a conversation with some Irish birds heading for Berlin and had a game of UNO with them, which helped pass the time. Also, when we crossed the German border, three blokes got chucked off the train by policemen with guns. I presumed they were carrying some illegal substances across the border but I never found out unfortunately.
Third leg - Osnabruck to Hamburg
The conductors messages all being in German are now beginning to annoy me as I have no clue what he is saying. A nun sat next to me for a while which was a little awkward, I though about sharing some militant atheism with her but decided against it, the message would only be weakened in translation.
As soon as I stepped out of the train station and saw lassies wearing nice dresses with Nike air max trainers, I knew I was in Germany. Magic.
I made it to the hostel ok, and went to check in. Unfortunately I booked the hostel for June, not July. Well done son, well done. Fortunately there was a spare bed for 2 nights so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
After having a siesta (is it still called a siesta if you have it in Germany?) I decided to get some proper German food. What else am I going to eat here other than hamburgers? After that I headed for the debauchery of the Reeperbahn. It was like a mini-Amsterdam, but not as good. I wandered about for a bit, got a few drinks then fired back to the hostel.
Hamburg so far hasn't been all it's cracked up to be, the nightlife is supposed to be the biggest draw, maybe it's better in a group but for me Amsterdam beats it without breaking a sweat. Hopefully I can find some sights tomorrow to make up for it!
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
Day Two - Party Time
Day 2 started well. I decided I wanted some grapes for breakfast so I went and found some. Check me out all continental with the fruit breakfast eh? The grapes plus the mouthful of banana I had last night mean I've eaten more fruit since I got here than I have in the past six months, if they served bananas at home like they do here I think I'd have a potassium overdose.
I thought about doing some touristy things, so decided to go and see the Amsterdam ArenA - home of the mighty Ajax. I got to the stadium, where a security guard showed me a group I could join who were about to start the tour. What the Dutch clown didn't tell me, was that I needed a ticket before I joined the group. I got halfway round the other side of the stadium where the tour entered and the boy chucked me off it. I wasn't waiting another hour in the middle of nowhere for the next one, so that was a colossal waste of time.
After that debacle, I decided the gods were telling me not to do any sightseeing, so I headed back to my hostel in the middle of the red light district (where there were more than enough sights to be seen). The rest of the day is a bit of a blur as I ended up getting hammered with 4 English boys from my dorm in the hostel, although my post on Facebook to let Auntie Angela know what was happening seems to suggest I had a blast!
I thought about doing some touristy things, so decided to go and see the Amsterdam ArenA - home of the mighty Ajax. I got to the stadium, where a security guard showed me a group I could join who were about to start the tour. What the Dutch clown didn't tell me, was that I needed a ticket before I joined the group. I got halfway round the other side of the stadium where the tour entered and the boy chucked me off it. I wasn't waiting another hour in the middle of nowhere for the next one, so that was a colossal waste of time.
After that debacle, I decided the gods were telling me not to do any sightseeing, so I headed back to my hostel in the middle of the red light district (where there were more than enough sights to be seen). The rest of the day is a bit of a blur as I ended up getting hammered with 4 English boys from my dorm in the hostel, although my post on Facebook to let Auntie Angela know what was happening seems to suggest I had a blast!
Monday, 25 July 2011
Day One - Pedro does Amsterdam
An early start this morning as mother Reilly drove me through to Edinburgh airport, and the discussion soon turned to trying to remember which James Bond film had the gondola chase scene through Venice in it. Neither of us could remember, so if you know leave it in a comment as it's driving me nuts and googling is cheating.
After that stimulating conversation, I saw something I couldn't quite believe. The plane being boarded before mine was bound for Greenland, and it was full! Do these people not know if they waited an hour to walk through that door they wouldn't be going to a place full of ice, they'd be going to a place full of hookers and drugs? The stupidity of some people!
The flight was not uneventful either, as I was sat next to a man I nicknamed "Weegie Boab" in my head, who proceeded to tell me "Moan the weed". Clearly Amsterdam attracts a highly intellectual crowd.
After getting checked into the hostel, I decided to go for a wander, having no map and no actual clue where I was. Predictably after an hour, I was lost in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully my bloodhound like sense of smell (which is being worked overtime in this town) managed to get me back on the beaten track and headed towards the hostel again, at which point I came across the famous Bulldog coffeeshop, around the corner from the comically named "Grill Toby" kebab shop.
After an afternoon of drinking coffee, I decided to go for a nap as the coffee aroma was very strong and had made me somewhat dazed.
As I write I've just woken up extremely excited as they are going to be showing Dunfermline v St Mirren tonight, which has got game of the season written all over it in invisible ink. Who knows, I may go down to a local fruit and veg shop to get one of my five a day. It would be rude not to wouldn't it?
After that stimulating conversation, I saw something I couldn't quite believe. The plane being boarded before mine was bound for Greenland, and it was full! Do these people not know if they waited an hour to walk through that door they wouldn't be going to a place full of ice, they'd be going to a place full of hookers and drugs? The stupidity of some people!
The flight was not uneventful either, as I was sat next to a man I nicknamed "Weegie Boab" in my head, who proceeded to tell me "Moan the weed". Clearly Amsterdam attracts a highly intellectual crowd.
After getting checked into the hostel, I decided to go for a wander, having no map and no actual clue where I was. Predictably after an hour, I was lost in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully my bloodhound like sense of smell (which is being worked overtime in this town) managed to get me back on the beaten track and headed towards the hostel again, at which point I came across the famous Bulldog coffeeshop, around the corner from the comically named "Grill Toby" kebab shop.
After an afternoon of drinking coffee, I decided to go for a nap as the coffee aroma was very strong and had made me somewhat dazed.
As I write I've just woken up extremely excited as they are going to be showing Dunfermline v St Mirren tonight, which has got game of the season written all over it in invisible ink. Who knows, I may go down to a local fruit and veg shop to get one of my five a day. It would be rude not to wouldn't it?
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