Day Twenty Six - Arrivaderci Roma

I woke up at 7 (early bird catches the worm!) and got myself packed for the journey home. I checked out of the hostel, and made my way to the bus stop outside the train station. Just as I was walking up, the bus pulled away early. Brilliant start. I asked the bloke in the hi-vis vest when the next bus would be, apparently only 5 minutes. 40 minutes later the next bus rolled up. Lying twat.

I got my bags checked in and headed for the departure lounge, thankfully the passport control boy didn't laugh at my photo in which I look like an al-qaeda terrorist. I bought my dad some duty free fags, and headed for the queue which had formed at the gate, even though we weren't boarding yet.

I got on the plane, and big-manned my way to an extra leg room seat. Get in! A family came along and sat next to me, and I think they strategically placed their teenage lad next to me. He was infuriating. He didn't sit still for the entire flight, and I got no sleep because of it. I hate flying Ryanair. I tried blocking him out with Glee, but it only worked to a certain extent.

3 hours later, and I was back in chilly Scotland! The hoody I bought in Prague came in handy. 4 flights landed at the same time, so getting through passport control took forever, and then I was free to pick up my bags and go and meet mother for the drive home. Mince and tatties for tea tonight!

All in all I have had a great time travelling for a month, and writing this blog has helped cement the many memories I have. Thanks to all my avid readers, see you all soon no doubt. Take care of yourself, and each other!

Day Twenty Five - Sister Blister

Woke up around half 9 and went downstairs for some free breakfast. It was fairly rubbish, but still it was free. With all the walking we had done yesterday, I had developed two blisters, one on the ball of each foot, which had left me looking like a ridiculous fool when I tried to walk. I decided to do some DIY doctoring, and burst them both with scissors, and chucked some plasters over them. This at least allowed me to look normal whilst walking, I was still in some serious pain. A chemist would be needed.

We decided that Pett would get the laundry he needed done, and while that was being done we would go to an internet cafe so I could do the online check in for my flight the next day, before we thought about going out on the sight seeing jaunt for the day. I got to the internet cafe, started the online check in, and then found out I needed my passport which was in my room. I had to walk all the way back to get it. Gutted.

Once we had done the necessary, we had some lunch before setting out (no, not another kebab). We set out towards termini station, to get the metro down to the colloseum. On the way, we found a chemist, and I got some weird gel sticky things for my blisters. This alleviated some of the pain, but this was the best I could get, so I just decided to walk through the pain.


First stop for the day: the colloseum! We joined the queue to buy our tickets and get in (some wee man guide told us it would take 45-50 minutes, nearer 25 you douchebag!). I got in for a discounted rate as I had my provisional on me, proving I was from the EU and under 25. Pett did not. 1-0 me.

We wandered about the colloseum for ages, it is incredibly impressive. Not much else happened, bar seeing a guy with his bird, who we thought must be part of some sort of sock cult. Why else would you wear socks with sandals?

We took a seat on a stone outside the colloseum to prepare for a walk around the forum. At this time we deliberated on whether we should go back to the Trevi fountain to chuck the coins in correctly, seeing as my feet were destroyed. Pett suggested letting the coins decide. I should mention at this point that coins hate me, and always make me do things I dont want to. Needless to say we tossed the coin and it told us to go to the Trevi fountain. Cheers again coins.

When I went to get up, my entire left leg appeared to be dead. I was really suffering today, such terrible timing on my last day as well. I took a time out and did some stretches to get it going again, I must have looked like a bit of a pervert but I didn't care, most italians look like perverts anyway.

We walked for a while to the entrance of the forum. As I had been here before, I let Pett take a look around himself while i preserved myself for the walk through town coming up. He enjoyed it.

We made the trek to the Trevi fountain for our last sight of the day, and chucked our coins in correctly this time, right hand over the left shoulder. Looks like we'll both be coming back!

One the way from the fountain back to the hostel, we were looking in some cheesy souvenir shops, when I came across the sign i'd been looking for since I got here, a ciao bella sign! Maybe the coins have forgiven me, and sent me this way because they knew I would come across the sign? Or maybe I was just ridiculously lucky? Who knows, I certainly don't care, I got my sign!

When we got back to the hostel I was going to go for a shower but the selfish canadian cow in my room was in there for 45 minutes so I cut my losses and went downstairs to sit in the bar for the night. We had a great night of conversation mostly centering on sport, and we said our goodbyes as I would be up earlier in the morning to go for my flight. It was emotional, but I got through it ok. I went to my bed, but couldn't get to sleep as the aforementioned canadian bint was now sitting whining to her pal about someone not picking her up from the airport or something. I was very close to kicking off until she eventually shut up. My last full day was ended, journey home tomorrow morning!

Day Twenty Four - When In Rome

Woke up earlier than usual at 9, as we had to get the train to Rome today! Got all our stuff packed, and set out on the road. After a ten minute walk, we arrived at the train station, and as our train did not have a platform assigned yet I went outside for a fag. Some gypsy tramp sat down next to where I was standing with her dog and started talking to herself. I paid no attention, and then she went mental hurling racist insults in italian at people as they walked past. Classy.


Florence - Rome
After a while our train was given a platform, so we fired on. Someone was sitting in one of our seats, so Pett just sat in the seat opposite rather than causing a mutli-lingual slagging match. There were a lot of tunnels on the journey, so there wasn't much scenery to see. I decided to use this time to write yesterdays blog, in anticipation of getting an internet connection when we arrived at the hostel, to upload it. The train was only an hour and a half, so it wasn't long before we were in Rome.

When we got out of the station, I knew vaguely where I was going as I'd been to this hostel before with best bud Rory Penman, so we fired to the hostel to get checked in. We were a bit early to get our room keys etc, so we dumped our bags in the luggage room and set off to explore Rome. As Napoleon said, "an army marches on it's stomach", so we decided to get a kebab for lunch before we went anywhere.

With our bellies full, our first destination for the day was the spanish steps. As we walked we seemed to become part of an incredibly annoying american family, so we decided to cross the road to get away from them. We came upon the spanish steps from behind (steady now) so got to see the full spectacle from above. Very nice.

Our next stop for the day, was the Trevi Fountain. We wandered through some back streets, and finally found it. It was absolutely heaving with tourists, so we didn't spend too long there, just enough time to snap some pics and throw some coins in the water, to ensure our return to Rome. Unfortunately I forgot about throwing them over your shoulder, so we will probably have to go back and do it right.

Next stop: Pantheon! Again we wandered through some small streets until we found the Pantheon - the oldest church in Rome. We had a look inside, and it was quite grand. The oculus in the roof is awesome though, and makes the place very unique.

Again we were on the move, this time to Piazza Navona. More winding wee back streets, and again we found it no bother. We had a wander around the Piazza, checking out all of the artwork, and finally settled down for a wee seat in the shade, right beside Bernini's famous Fountain of the Four Rivers (of Angels and Demons fame). the fountain is pretty awesome, with four staues representing the four great rivers of the world (at that time) and an egyptian obelisk in the middle. Smashing.

We had some more time, so decided to walk to the Vatican and get that done, to give us more time tomorrow. We headed for the bridge of angels, and crossed to the Castel Sant'Angelo. This was originally built as the emperor Augustus' tomb and is a pretty impressive building. After this, we walked towards St Peter's Square in the Vatican. The square itself is mighty impressive, but St Peter's Basilica is quite incredible.

We stopped to fill our water bottles from a water fountain next to the square (I was worried it may burn my insides as I'm a non-believer, but it was actually quite tasty) and decided to head for the metro to get back to the hostel. Before heading back into the hostel, we stopped for a coffee at the place across the road. The boy in charge seemed to be raging when he found out we didn't want any food. Sucks to be him. He made us wait for ages though for the coffee, to the point where I was almost ready to bolt. Twat.

We got back into the hostel and checked into our rooms, and decided to go for a Chinese for tea. On the way into the town, we were stopped by the Carabinieri (who acted more like the Gestapo) who asked to see our papers. What? Why would I carry my passport around with me, in a country which has a notoriously bad reputation for thieving off tourists? He accepted my drivers licence, and some boy wrote down loads of details from it. Weirdos.

We walked for ages trying to find the Chinese restaurant I had been to before, but couldnt find it. We walked so far we actually found the Colloseum, so headed back up the hill towards the station. We were so hungry, we decided to just go in the first Chinese we saw. The food was ok, but not a patch on the one I was in last time. When we were finished we walked back towards the hostel, and passed the restaurant we had been looking for. Oops.

When we got back to the hostel we headed for the bar, and watched the footy on the telly. At one point, some boy decided he didnt want to watch the footy, and turned it over to some spanish soft core porn. The place was a bit shocked at what was occurring, and before long the big man from the reception desk had had enough of this and put the footy back on.

I retired to bed earlier than usual, as I was knackered from the long walk we had done today. Only a few sights left to see tomorrow, on the last full day of my travels!

Day Twenty Three - The Florentine Stamp Fiasco

Another day, another 10am wake up to meet Pett! He chucked his stuff in my room again as it was too early to check back into the hostel, and we began our morning ritual of me blogging and him checking the guide book to see what there was to do for the day. We also wrote some postcards to friends and family, and took them with us to find stamps (more on this later).

We decided on going to see Santa Maria Novella church and going up to Piazzale Michelangelo, which should take us the best part of the day. I hadn't eaten yet (Pett had a feast of a breakfast at his hostel, no free food here though) so we went to a wee cafe for some grub before setting out properly.

Santa Maria Novella was the birthplace of the renaissance, so naturally I wanted to go and see it. It was quite a large church, and some of the paintings on the wall were spectacular. They clearly pushed the boat out when they built this place. As we walked round we noticed a wee room in the church, which had been turned into a shop. I somehow don't think the original designer had planned this to be a shop, shameless money grabbing on the go.

After a good walk around the church we decided to go outside and have a bottle of water in the sunshine, at the piazza out the front. When we got outside we were accosted by some lovely wee bellas, who wanted us to sign a thing against drugs. I told them I already did it in Milan (which I didn't) and got away scott free. Their patter was pretty poor, asking us where our kilts were and if we knew William Wallace. Aye darling big Willie is my uncle, I'll tell him you were asking for him. Do the hounders in the street in Scotland do this to Italian tourists? "Oh say hi to the Pope and Leonardo da Vinci for me when you get back mate". I somehow doubt it.

We then headed through the throngs of people in the town (the amount of tourists here is huge) to get to the other side of the river, and make our way towards Piazzale Michelangelo. When we got to the bottom of the hill and saw all the steps I near died, it was the Prague castle all over again. We slogged up the steps, and when we made it to the top I was completely gubbed. The views from the Piazzale were incredible, and definitely made the ridiculous climb worth while. The city really is beautiful, especially in the baking sun.

Next stop: buying stamps for the postcards. This turned out to be an absolute nightmare. We had been told by a couple of people you could buy stamps from fag shops, so we tried at least a half a dozen of them, and none of them gave us stamps. One of the shops had stamps, but only if you bought your postcards from him! What a dobber. Eventually we found the post office, but the stamp window only stays open until 12:30, I mean why would anyone want to buy stamps after midday? That would be ludicrous!

We took a number for the main queue and got in line. It took ages, Italian people don't seem to bother about folk waiting behind them, they'll just leisurely go about their business. The excitement reached fever pitch when we only had one more number to go, and then it was our turn! Yass!

With the postcards posted, we headed back to the hostel for another swim and a sauna. The pool yet again was freezing. When we went in for a sauna the place was full of Aussie lads, and one American boy who kept throwing water onto the coals, it got so hot I could barely breathe so had to leave and jump back in the pool.

We dried off, and headed up to the roof terrace for a lovely cold fanta (Pett had fizzy water, disgusting). We made plans for what we wanted to eat tonight, and the consensus was clear, kebab it is. We walked for a wee while and found a kebab shop, and had a tasty feed.

We retired to the roof terrace for the night, and got on the beers! We met the Aussie boys from the sauna, two of which were sound as a pound, and the other was a complete douchebag. The boy spoke with this fake accent to sound like he smoked 40 a day, probably to impress the chicks. He also had a rosary round his neck, which he wore to look cool. This was ok though, as half his family were Catholic and the other half Christian, so he could get away with it. Aye mate, because Christianity and Catholicism are two completely different religions, Catholicism isn't a denomination of Christianity at all. You total wank.

After they left, we were chatting amongst ourselves for a while, when an American girl interrupted to ask what language we were speaking. Haha! We all had a chuckle when we revealed we were talking English, and got to talking to her. She was from Baltimore! We LOVE The Wire! Apparently she had only seen a couple of episodes. Criminal! How can you come from Bmore and not have watched all of The Wire?

We spent the night chatting (the brazillian boy from our room joined us) and drank more beers. When the rooftop shut, we headed downstairs and joined a megagroup of travellers drinking. What's that I hear? Some birds with Scottish accents? Get in there!

We spoke to them for while, two of them were on a placement with uni in Sicily, and told us about a Scottish band they had seen at a gig there. They were called The Fire and I! Classic bants ensued when it turned out I knew who they were. Small world!

More chat was banded around (one of the birds was dying for a lorne sausage roll and some Irn Bru, I feel your pain darling) and by two o clock we were steaming, so retired to bed as we had to be up earlier for the train in the morning. A cracking day overall, Roma tomorrow!

Day Twenty Two - Where Dem Bellas At

Again, woke up and Pett met me at my room at 10 (a recurring theme). There was a bit of a kerfuffle as Pett couldn't get booked in at this hostel for all 3 nights, so he had to check out of here and into another hostel, and will have to do the reverse tomorrow. So he dumped his bags in my room for easiness, and we headed downstairs to blog and look for things to do in Florence.

We decided to take a wander through the town, and see what took our fancy. First stop was the supermarket to get some breakfast goods, and we had a picnic in the park. The pigeons were annoying but we didn't feed them so they weren't too bothered about us, result.

After breakfast we wandered towards the Duomo (yes, there's one here too), otherwise known as Santa Maria Delle Fiori. This duomo had been built in the renaissance style, and is the largest freestanding masonry dome in the world. I preferred this one to the one in Milan as I love the renaissance, whereas Pett preferred the one in Milan built in the gothic style as it was all built in one colour of marble, and the carvings were excellent. A difference of opinion, but both valid points.

We found a museum at the back of the duomo, and decided to head in to have a look. The contents of the museum were quite poor, but there were some cool machines Brunelleschi invented himself in order to build the duomo, which were pretty cool.

After that, we decided to walk down towards the river. When we got there, we found a wee gelate shop and had some sitting on a wall by the river. The ice cream was brilliant, much better than Mackies. 

We decided upon a plan of attack for our wanderings in the afternoon, we made a figure of 8 around the bridges to maximise efficiency in our viewing time. The middle bridge, the Ponte Vecchio, was quite similar to the Rialto in Venice (but not as cool) in that it had shops all the way over it. Before long we had finished our figure of 8, and the afternoon was drawing on so we decided to head back to the hostel.

On the way back we came across a Swatch shop, so decided to have a wee look. I ended up buying myself a Swatch watch! Lovely.

When we got back to the hostel there was only one thing to do, get down for a wee swim and sauna! The water was absolutely freezing, but wasn't too bad once you were in. After a short swim, it was sauna time! Some of the people who had been in there the day before were there again, namely a bird from Canada and one from USA. We had a wee bit of chat (the yank was a bit of a weirdo, the Canadian was ridiculously full of herself) and then they left to go for another swim. I decided to go for an endurance sauna, while Pett took the sensible option of jumping in the pool to cool down then coming back in. After about 30-40 minutes I was starting to feel light headed, so had to leave and jump in the pool to cool down. I did some lengths then we headed, feeling invigorated and ready for the evenings festivities.

We decided to go for something to eat, and then down to the river to watch the sunset over the Arno (I know, very romantic). We got food, and even bought some beers to drink whilst taking in the view. The sunset was impressive, and I got some good photos of the changing colour of the sky. A couple next to us were posing for photos too, and the guys pose was hilarious. Absolutely no emotion in his face, hands at his side. They'll be great to show the family how much fun he was having!

After that we decided to do something a bit less bromantic, and watched the wet t-shirt competition back at the hostel! There was a massive bunch of rowdy Australian birds there so there were plenty of takers. Unfortunately they all kept their bras on. Have they never seen a wet t-shirt competition before? That was a bit of a let down. The best bit was when a chant went up for "RJ" to join in, who turned out to be a lad! He got soaked and looked like he was a top lad. 

At this point the Aussie weirdo axe murderer from yesterday showed up and plonked himself down at the table, after filming the whole competition on his video camera. What a beast. He chatted a lot of rubbish to us all night, including more insights as to why Italy was "overrated". How can an entire country be overrated? The guy was clearly a freak so we decided to try and ignore him and just say peep show and the office quotes all night, which was infinitely more fun.

After the bar closed we decided to hit the sack, and Pett walked back to his hostel. Another day down, getting close to the big finale in Rome now!

Day Twenty One - Spaghetti Doesn't Turn Me On

Got up and met Pett again at 10, to check out and get on the road again. Made it to the station with plenty of time to spare, and got on our train to Florence!

Milan - Florence
Our seat reservations looked like they were together but actually weren't. Cheers woman at the counter who gave us them. I was sat at a table of four with a mother and her two children. The little one was a complete radge. He would be playing quite happily with his toys one minute and then throwing them about the train the next, which his mother seemed to find hilarious. Seriously woman, learn how to control your child. Thankfully for him he didn't hit me with one of them, if he did I was going to seriously kick off. I tried to ignore them by listening to glee. The train was less than 2 hours so it wasn't too bad all in all.

We decided to reserve our train to Rome whilst we were at the station, so queued up for a while and got it done. Then we fired to the hostel, the directions were pretty easy to follow this time as it was just a straight street to walk up. It was absolutely roasting, must have been 35 easy. We checked in, again to separate rooms. My room wasn't ready, so we went out for something to eat.

By the time we got back the room was ready, so we dumped our stuff and I went downstairs to write my blogs, whilst Pett read the guide book. At this point a weirdo Australian bloke from my room swagged over and started talking to us. Some of the stuff he came out with was golden. Apparently he can't wait to get out of Italy as he doesn't like Italian food. He likes lasagne but spaghetti "doesn't turn him on". Classy. And he also thinks Italy is really expensive compared to other places in Europe (which is a nonsense, Italy is basically the same as the rest of the eurozone countries). We asked him for an example and he came up with Czech Rep. Yes because they don't use the euro you total arse of a man. After we shot him down he left fairly sharpish.

When I finished my blogging, we decided to make good use of the facilities on offer at the hostel, a pool, Turkish bath and sauna. Nice. We went for a swim which was absolutely freezing, then jumped in the sauna. We sat in there for ages and got chatting to a couple of English birds, one from Newcastle and the other from London, who had not long started their travels.

After a while the heat was getting too much, so we left to get changed to find something to eat. The pizzas in the hotel looked pretty good so we had one each. They were pretty big, and mine was drenched in olive oil so I couldn't finish the whole thing. I was going to tell the chef to cut down on the oil but decided against it.

I then had to do some laundry, so we decided just to chill on the rooftop terrace bar while my stuff was being washed, and we ran into the English birds again and invited them for some drinks and light hearted conversation. They had been out in Milan last night (turns out we were on the same train to Florence, what are the odds!) and had been horribly hungover all day, so they decided not to drink but came up for some chat anyway. We however had no such qualms about drinking and got stuck into some lovely cold beers.

Nearer midnight the girls retired to bed and we kept drinking. The rooftop bar was shut so we went downstairs to the basement bar, where the beer was €2, compared to €3 on the roof! Bumped!

Before long we were both quite tired so headed for bed, but my adventures were not over yet. I got myself nice and comfy, when some Aussie prick started on the Aussie weirdo from before of I don't like Italy fame. A massive scrap ensued, before they were pulled apart by the pricks mates. I've no idea what the guy was doing there anyway, he wasn't sleeping in our dorm. It was incredibly funny to watch but I did feel a bit sorry for the bloke. My night ended up with him telling me he had been travelling for 30 years and never seen anything like that, and that "some people are complete cunts eh mate?". Another golden quote, cheers for that wee man.

Day Twenty - Inter Rude Boy

I woke up and met Pett at the reception at 10. We decided to go to the supermarket and get some stuff for breakfast. We had a breakfast of champions, and decided what we were going to do. We thought we would be sensible and get our reservations for the train tomorrow to Florence, so headed for central station. We also wanted to go to the duomo, so had to dress conservatively wearing jeans and t shirt in the boiling heat. More on this later.

After waiting in a queue for a while, we finally got some seats reserved and got on our way to the duomo. No queue here! Which was strange because when I passed yesterday the place was heaving. No complaints though, we fired in and had a wander about the church. After looking about for a while, we found the ticket machine for getting up to the roof in the lift. It also included entry into two of the bits of the duomo which were restricted, so we had a look about them first.

The first bit was an archaeological dig underneath the square in front of the duomo, which had uncovered an old baptissery which had been built over. It was pretty cool, but quite small so after wandering about for a wee bit we went to check out site number two. This one was the treasury, which just had some gold crosses etc in it. It was garbage. That was a total waste of time, so we headed for the elevator to get to the roof.

The views from the roof were stunning, and seeing the spires up close shows how much work must have gone into this building. Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not at all fond of heights (a bit of an understatement), and by the time we got right up to the top after walking up some stairs I was shitting myself. It wasn't flat to walk on either as it was the slanted sides of the roof, which made it even worse. After a bit of walking around I couldn't take much more so we headed back down.

We had a drink in the duomo square again, then headed for the San Siro! We jumped on the metro to the closest station, which didn't seem that far away on the map. I'm not sure if it was the heat, but it took ages to walk to the stadium. And speaking of the heat, the jeans situation was now starting to deteriorate. I had some chafe occurring at the top of my thigh, and it was now impairing my walking skills. There was some pretty funny graffiti along the Walls on the way to the stadium though, and the Inter Rude Boy slogan kept appearing all over the place, quality banter!

We eventually made it to the stadium, and started the tour. Wow this stadium is impressive. The dressing rooms were quite funny, as they had been decorated in the style of their respective owners. The inter one was quite bare, just benches and all about team unity. Then we saw the AC Milan one, which was all flat screens and comfy seats, built in the image of top shagger Silvio Berlusconi!

After the tour we took in the museum and the shop, which were both pretty rubbish. It was getting towards tea time so we decided to head back to the hostel. The chafe was now horrific. I could feel my jeans tearing into my leg. This was not good. It seemed to take hours to walk back to the metro stop. When we eventually got there the seat on the train was like heaven.

It took us a wee while on the metro to get home, and we stopped off at the supermarket to get some supplies for tea as we would not be going out again that night, due to the chafe and tiredness. We sat in the hostel eating and chatting the night away, and retired for an early-ish night to get up for the train tomorrow morning. When I got back to the room however, I ended up chatting to a couple of English boys sharing my dorm, who decided to disagree with everything I said about Milan. Douchebags. I ended up just ignoring them and going to sleep, Florence tomorrow!

Day Nineteen - Ciao Pettigew

Woke up a bit later than anticipated, the beds were so comfy I slept like a log. Unfortunately this meant I was going to be in a hurry to get to the last supper, I was booked in for 11.45 but had to be here by 11.25 to pick up my tickets. I also had to print out the online booking form before I got there. I asked the bloke at reception if I could use his computer to print it out as I was late, and he said it was ok. It took about 20 minutes to boot up, if I didn't know better I could have sworn this computer went to the moon in 1969.

I got the printout and bolted for the metro. I had to change metro and get on the red line to get close to the church. I thought I would be the big man and get off a few stops earlier than planned as it looked like I could get the red line from here also. WRONG. I was now dangerously late. If in doubt, jump in a taxi. I got there five minutes late, and thought I was done for. The woman just took my printout and gave me my ticket, without saying a word. Raging. I'd been hurrying about for nothing.

I decided to get the audio guide as it was only two euros, and I wanted to enjoy this. I had some English bloke in my ear telling me all about the history of the painting etc in the introduction, while I went through the three rooms of dehumidifiers, keeping this painting looking good is clearly serious business. Then I entered the chamber, and saw it. It was massive! I wasn't expecting it to be so huge. It really is an awesome painting, far better than the scrawny wee Mona Lisa in the Louvre. I had my fifteen minutes of looking at it, and then went through more dehumidifiers to get out.

I then walked towards the centre, and stumbled upon, wait for it, another footlocker shop! I went in and had a look at the t shirts, (un)fortunately they didn't have my size. Oh well!

I wandered about for a bit, and then headed for the Sforza castle, to see the museum there. The castle building itself was pretty cool, the museum was quite boring though, apart from Michaelangelo's unfinished pieta (a pieta is a statue of Mary holding a dead Jesus apparently). The statue was quite good, and you could see how it was beginning to take shape. I wondered if he didn't finish it because he was too lazy, but it turns out he died. Oh well.

I headed back to the hostel to await the arrival of my good friend Ross Pettigrew who is coming to meet me for my last week in Italy! Around half 7 I received an SOS distress call from the good ship Pettigrew, he had no idea how to get to the hostel from the metro station, as his directions didn't match his surroundings. I went down to meet him, and it turned out he had gone out of the wrong exit, as there are about 7 exits and the directions just said go out of the metro station. Nice.

We headed for the hostel to get Pett checked in. Turns out he was in a room with lots of girls, and I wasn't. Gutted. The maniac cleaner boy thought he would emphasise this fact, by running up to us rubbing his chin shouting "girls girls girls!". Aye well done mate, you've noticed they're female.

We went for a wander to the city centre, to see the town at night, and look for beer and girls! The cafes were pretty crap and only stayed open til 11, so we just got some beer and sat in front of the duomo being lads. After a while, we headed back to the hostel as it was too dark to check out the babes. We sat about chatting for a while, then headed for bed, excited about the sights on offer tomorrow!

Day Eighteen - You Say Ciao, And I Say Ciao

Ciao ciao, I don't know why you say ciao and I say ciao. For some reason in Italian, ciao means both hello and goodbye. How do I know that I'm not walking up to someone and saying "goodbye, which way is the metro"? I'll let them off with it for now, but if it annoys me again there will be consequences.

I got up early and made my way to the station to get my next journey underway, and said cheerio to Venice.

Venice - Milan
Unfortunately this train did not have wee booths, I was gutted. I just had to sit in a normal train for once. A wee old man came up to me and started blethering in Italian, I had no idea what he was saying but it appeared as if he was asking to sit next to me. Fire in mate. The journey wasn't too long, only 2 and a half hours, so the boy muttering a lot of pish next to me didn't annoy me too much. Before I knew it I was in Milan.

I left the station, which was massive, and headed for the subway. After a 10 minute journey I got off at my stop, and tried to find the hostel. The directions weren't very helpful, they told me to go to a museum up the road and ask them. So I did. Turns out the hostel is in the middle of the grounds of the museum. I found it ok from here and checked in. It turns out the museum and grounds used to be a psychiatric hospital. Uh oh. I can see the plot for a Stephen King novel unfolding in front of me, ending in me being murdered by some escaped lunatic. Never mind at least it's cheap.

The staff were all friendly enough, the hostel is run by people from disadvantaged backgrounds and all the profit apparently goes to help their charity. The rooms were clean, and the beds looked very comfy. Notice I said "looked" comfy. I sat down on the bed and it caved in, I ended up in a heap with a mattress, bed struts and sheets all over me. The American boy taking a nap in the bed opposite absolutely shat himself! I informed the bloke at reception and he told me to take one of the other beds, so I did just that, thankfully this one didn't buckle under me.

I decided to go for a wander, and headed for the train station as this is usually where the city centre is. After walking about for ages I came to the conclusion that this was not the city centre, so jumped back to the hostel rather than waste any more time walking about deserted streets.

I found a supermarket and got some food for the night, and retired to the hostel to chill and read my guidebook, something I probably should have done before I wasted a load of time walking about the completely wrong place. Turns out the city centre is a bit further down, near the famous Duomo. I planned out some things I need to see whilst here, and retired for the evening, gingerly lying down on the bed before passing out. Big day tomorrow!

Day Seventeen - Hangover Hell

I woke up with what can only be described as a mammoth hangover. The rehydration powder and paracetamol were doing little to shift it. To add further insult to injury the 10am lockout cropped up, so I was forced to walk the streets of Venice in a horrible state.

I decided to head for the train station and reserve a seat on the train to Milan in advance, as apparently all trains in Italy need reservations, even with an interrail pass, which is utterly ludicrous. Even worse, when I asked the woman for the reservation, she asked to see my interrail pass, which was back in the hostel. Why do you need to see my pass? The reservation is no good to me without a ticket, it's not like I'm trying to bump them out of anything. I gave her an earful, and she decided to give me the reservation anyway. Damn right she did.

After this I still had an hour and a half before I could go back to the hostel, so took the bus boat type thing outside the station right down the bottom of the grand canal, and then back up again. At least this way I was still doing something, but could sit down and die peacefully at the same time. The palaces alongside the canal were incredible, but I was in no shape to appreciate them fully.

By the time I got back, I was allowed back into the hostel, so I went back to bed for a couple of hours to see if that would help. It did not. Infact somehow it had made me feel even worse than I did before. I decided to stay put in the hostel today, I'd seen most of Venice already so I wouldn't be missing much anyway.

By tea time I was feeling a bit better, so went for a wander to the supermarket to get some bread for tea (I couldn't stomach pasta). Some radge was shouting in Italian at the woman behind the counter, from what I could gather he was saying she short changed him. She was taking none of his pish though, and got a security guard to chuck him out. Telt.

The americans I had met in the pub last night were trying to get me to go out again, to which I was not receptive in the slightest.

I stayed in while the others went out, and read a bit about the London riots, which I will now address. My good friend Daniel informed me of something which had occurred, and it shook me to my very core. They burned down a footlocker shop. How dare they. Think of all the lovely Adidas stuff going up in flames. It's enough to bring a tear to your eye. Someone needs to call John Smeaton, if there's anyone we can trust at a time like this it's him.

So that's it for my last night in Venice, off to Milan tomorrow!

Day Sixteen - Walk Like A Venetian

I woke up early enough to get in the shower before everyone else, winning! Unfortunately during the night I had been attacked by what I presume was a swarm of mosquitoes who proceeded to use me as a human pin cushion. I'm absolutely covered in bites, bottom of my feet, legs, arms and back. Raging.

Lockout at the hostel is 10am so I set off to walk around the city for a few hours. I headed for the Rialto bridge, which was incredible. The little shops on the bridge were really cool, but also ridiculously pricey.

I then headed for San Marco square, again it was amazing. Although in this city, even the crappy houses are amazing. The crowds in the square were ridiculous, all lined up to get into the Doge's palace and San Marco Basilica. I decided to skip it for now as I hate waiting in queues.

I set off again, this time in a random direction I thought would take me back to the train station, from where I could find my way back to the hostel. After walking for ages I officially declared myself lost. I had no map though, so decided to just keep walking. It is after all an island which I can't walk off, so I had to come back to something I recognised before long.

I walked for what seemed like ages, until I finally came upon the bus station. When I saw the cars I shat a brick as I had no idea where this was, I had seen no cars since I got to Venice. I saw a massive bridge though, and liked the look of it so went that way. And after another 2 minutes I was back at the train station! Get in!

I headed back to the hostel and had a nap as I was shattered from walking in the sun. Woke up, went and got something to eat and some beer for drinking in the hostel before going out. Beer in the supermarkets is ridiculously cheap. A 660ml bottle of Peroni for 1 euro? Don't mind if I do, I'll take three my good man!

Back at the hostel I got chatting to some randoms, including a Russian girl who lives in Israel, but isn't Jewish. And hold on! A Scottish bloke! The first I've seen since I left Edinburgh. Boy is from Glasgow, unfortunately he's one of the great unwashed though. Win some you lose some.

We all headed out to the Irish pub, cunningly named "The Irish Pub". Clearly a lot of thought went into naming the establishment. And for an Irish bar, they had no Irish whiskey (thankfully), it was full of Scottish whisky! 7 euro a pop for a Glenmorangie is a bit steep for me though, so I only had one and headed back on the beer. Out of the corner of my eye I spied a sign on the bar, from Pullars in Perth! This Irish pub really isn't very Irish.

By 2am we were all absolutely steaming. We headed back towards the hostel and sat in the square outside drinking more. Headed to bed at the back of 3, think I'll be paying for this tomorrow!

Day Fifteen - Auf Wiedersehen Munchen, Ciao Venezia!

I got up early as I was dying to get to Venice. Headed down to the train station about half 9, as I didn't want to be late. Turns out the train was half 11, so I was ridiculously early. I hung about the station and had a few fags outside, when some German bloke started chatting to me. Apparently he had been playing at a festival last night and someone had nicked his guitar. He also thought he might have pumped a bird but couldn't be sure. The stimulating conversation was too much for me so I headed back inside to wait on the train in peace.

Munich - Venice
Time to get the longest journey over and done with. I boarded and started searching for a seat. Wait, could it be? Yes! Another train with the wee booths! Why don't they have these in Scotland? They're awesome! The journey was excellent, nobody else in the booth spoke English but I wasn't caring, the views were tremendous. The route took me right through the alps, through Austria and into northern Italy. 7 hours later, and I had reached Venice.

I took one step outside the station and fell in love. Venice has to be the most beautiful place I've ever seen. I had been looking forward to Venice the most out of any of the stops on my trip, but this was even better than I had anticipated. The crowded, narrow streets. The canals. The lack of cars. The battered buildings which aren't allowed to be restored by law. Everything about the place is magical.

I walked about 15 minutes (should have been 5 but I couldn't stop staring open mouthed at everything around me) to get to the hostel, which has its own wee bridge to get to the front door! I got checked in and then went for a wee wander to get my bearings. I quickly realised that you can't get your bearings in Venice as everything looks the same, you just have to navigate by the signs pointing to major landmarks. I didn't go too far though as I had to be back at the hostel by 8 as they put on food for everyone.

This hostel is unlike any other I've been to before. Everything seems to be geared to getting everyone to know each other. Everyone eats together (some random pasta dish but it was alright) and then goes out on a pub crawl. Every night. I got chatting to some English folk and an Aussie bird who was completely mental and kept going on about how Al Gore should be president of America as he's big into his climate change stuff. Interesting point of view.

I had a few voddys and then went to a few pubs with them, had a good laugh then came back to the hostel to get a decent sleep, big day of walking ahead tomorrow!

Day Fourteen - Rain Interrupts Play

I woke up to find that the rain was still lashing it down outside. I couldn't be arsed getting soaking again so decided not to do much while the rain was still on.

When I booked the hostel I had thought about taking the night train to Venice, so only booked for two nights, before finding out the only seats left on the night train were actual seats not beds, so I booked an extra night. A normal person might think the hostel would see this and say "oh you're booked in for three nights not two, no problem" but no, this hostel made me check out and then check back in again later in the day. I thought Germans were supposed to be efficient?

So I had to check out at 10, and wait for five hours to check back in. I had nothing better to do so went to a local laundry (the washing machine in the hostel had been broken for six weeks, seriously where is the German efficiency?) and did a load of washing. It was a very confusing experience, there were signs in English to tell me what to do but the people who wrote them obviously had no idea what they were talking about, or didn't know very good English. I spent ages trying to work out what to do before I had to ask some German bloke how to work everything.

I spent a while in the laundrette waiting, and put in a phone call to mummy and daddy to check in as it was about halfway through the trip (I have been texting them to let them know I'm safe I just haven't phoned them). After the phonecall it was time to put the stuff in the drier. I completely over egged how much time it would take, as the German efficiency finally kicked in. I put the stuff in for 45 minutes, and it was dry in 20. Oh well, it's not like I had anything better to do anyway, cheers hostel for booting me out for 5 hours.

When I eventually got checked in again, I dumped my stuff and went back down to the lobby to watch the football I couldn't get a ticket for. Just as well u didn't go as Bayern got pumped 1-0 by Borussia Monchengladbach.

It was still pissing it down, so I jumped across to the pub next to the hostel and had something to eat there, predictably it was more meat, they bloody love meat here.

The rain wasn't letting up, so I decided to have an early night as I couldn't wait to get to Venice the next day. All in all a fairly boring day, but the weather had ruined it anyway before I got started.

Day Thirteen - Munich Baby!

I woke up to find that the rain had stopped and it was now glorious sunshine. Time to start today's wander!

I couldn't be bothered using a map so just started walking towards what I thought looked like the city centre. Turns out I was right, Bloodhound Reilly strikes again! I stumbled across a massive fountain in the middle of the pavement, and as it was roasting I decided to stick my head in it. It was Baltic, but I needed it.

I continued down what appeared to be the main shopping district, thankfully the gods of footlocker had decided not to place a shop here or I may have gone a bit radgy. That almost happened anyway, as it was Saturday the place was packed and everyone was moving at a snails pace. There's nothing I hate more than people walking slowly when you can't get past them. There should be some sort of fast lane on the pavement for people who have the ability to walk faster than a three year old.

At the end of the shopping district I found a farmers Market type affair happening, so decided to check it out. It was absolutely stinking of sausage and cheese (steady now). I bought a bunch of grapes for brunch and headed onwards.

I stopped in at a tourist information place to ask some advice on buying tickets for the Bayern Munich game tomorrow, and the woman basically laughed me out of the shop. Apparently this is not an easy thing to do, and the game would be well sold out by now. If I wanted a ticket I would have to go to the stadium and buy one off a random punter standing outside for a ridiculously over inflated price. Raging. Still I'm in Milan next weekend so hopefully I can get to a game there.

As I was walking back to the hostel two suspicious characters came up to me and started speaking German. I told them I didn't speak German (but I can if you like - yes finally got a Lady Gaga lyric in) but it turned out they were Americans. Have I heard of the church of Jesus Christ of the latter day saints? MORMONS! I quickly brought out the blades of atheism and science smashed him with them. The look on his face when I started talking about Darwinian Evolution was priceless. Neither of them had anything they could say to that and they just walked off. I'm all for people believing whatever they want to as long as it doesn't affect me in any way, but don't try and push your unproven guff on me in the middle of the street in Munich please mr preacher. Cheers.

By the time I got back to the hostel it had started pishing it down again, so I decided to stay indoors tonight and watch some of V: The New Series (season 2), and had a kebap for tea. Hopefully the rain clears up tomorrow so I can get out and see some more of this city.

Day Twelve - On The Trail Again

I woke up with a banging headache, so decided to drink one of those hydration powder thingys to help the hangover, good shout Claire and Gabby! After a while my head felt a little better so I decided to get on my way.

Thankfully the station I needed to go to was only a 5 minute walk from the hostel, the exact opposite of what I had to put up with on arriving here. I made the short trek and before I knew it the train was ready to depart.

Vienna - Munich
Unfortunately this train wasn't one with the wee booths, I was devastated. Even still the train was very comfy, and even had a wee monitor on the ceiling showing the journey and how far along we were on a map, which was a neat wee innovation. After a while I got bored so decided to go along to the bisto car and get myself something to eat, namely two frankfurters. Again no conversations with other travelling wilburys, think most folk usually go further east from Vienna across to Budapest rather than back west. At least I had glee to keep me company though. No problemo.

The train seemed to take no time at all, and eventually I arrived at Munich Hauptbahnof. The weather report was for rain but it was glorious sunshine! Get in! I jumped on the s-bahn one stop and found my way to the hostel. I was first in my room so got my pick of the beds, yass!

I'd been feeling a bit of a pain on my stomach where my rucksack clipped round, so I had a quick shower and took a look at what was a nasty looking graze on my stomach. How the hell did that get there? It was now turning a nice shade of black. Boots first aid kit to the rescue, mon the germolene!

After I sat down to write yesterday's blog, I decided I wouldn't stray too far and just had a leisurely stroll around the surrounding area. I then found out I could have skipped the s-bahn altogether earlier as it was only a 5 minute walk from the station. Cheers for the rubbish directions hostel. I had something to eat and made my way back to the hostel, just as the weather forecast I had aluded to earlier kicked in, and it started bucketing it down. What timing!

I returned to the room and met my co-habitants. An American dad and son combo doing some euro travelling, and a ridiculous pair of German guys. I say ridiculous as they only knew a few English phrases, such as "I'm here for kicking ass and chewing gum" and "that is what she said". I really had to force myself not to laugh they were that bad.

Another day down, big day of sight seeing tomorrow hopefully!

Day Eleven - This Means Nothing To Me.......

Ohhhhh VIENNA. Yass you tell them Midge Ure. I've not been able to get this song out of my head since I got here, that and Rock You Amadeus by Falco. Both are massive tunes though so it's no biggy.

Again I was out the door early, so many sights to see, so little time. When I say sights to see, I didn't actually have any in mind I just decided to wander about the city. I couldn't think of anything famous from here bar those mental horse shows.

I spent a few hours lazily walking about, checking out the usual array of awesome buildings, churches etc, when I came to a stark realisation. Somehow I'd booked another hostel in the middle of the red light district. This is getting ridiculous. Thankfully (or not, depending on how you look at it) I was walking about in the afternoon so wasn't propositioned.

Oh no. What's this I see up ahead? Another new footlocker, this time with 3 floors? I just spent £40 on a hoody damnit if I have to buy more stuff I'll be bankrupt by the time I hit Venice. I diligently went in for a look and somehow managed to resist the urge to buy, I had to call on never before used stores of willpower to do it though.

I also took a break in a park and had a seat and a hot dog. It was good.

I eventually got back to the hostel and decided I had nothing better to do than sit in the bar all night drinking, so that's exactly what I did. I ended up pretty steaming which wasn't very bright as I had a train to catch the next morning to Munich, which would be infinitely more difficult to catch if I was hungover. Still no point making things easy for myself, a good challenge should keep me on my toes!

Day Ten - Czech Out Time

Okay okay that's the last pun on the word Czech, it's too easy to resist though.

Time to say goodbye to the land of monopoly money and women who look like models (no not Sweden, Czech rep) and get on my way to Vienna. I packed up my stuff and set out for the station. After walking to the station I remembered I had left all my toiletries in the hostel, so had to walk all the way back to get them, and by the time I got back to the station I had missed my train. Well done Pedro. Had to wait another hour for the next train, and this one wasn't direct, nightmare.

Prague - Vienna
SPECTRE have a decommissioned soviet warhead in Vienna?! 007 to the rescue! Yes it was another train with the wee booths that I enjoyed so much last time. Not much happened on this journey unfortunately, I just sat there and listened to glee tunes for hours. It may have been the best journey yet. I had to change trains at Breclav, which was no hassle as I only had to wait 10 minutes, plenty of time for a fag!

When I reached Vienna I was at some random train station, not the station I needed to be at to follow the directions for the hostel. No problem says I, I'll take the subway across! I got about 3 stations away and everyone left the train, apparently there were roadworks (what are roadworks called on a subway? Railworks?) and I had to make a detour. I got on a tram and spotted a guy who looked like an inspector, so I pre-empted him asking me for my ticket by asking him where to buy one. Sneaky sneaky. I missed my stop on the tram so had to get another 2 subways to get to the right train station, and that was before I headed for the hostel with the directions!

By the time I got to the hostel it had been 8 hours since I left the hostel in Prague (for the first time). I was absolutely gubbed. I got checked in, and made my way to my room which was thankfully on the ground floor. Comfortable bed, good shower, lockers provided, wifi in the rooms as well as the lobby, a bar, kitchen, comfy seating area. This might well be the best hostel I've ever seen, worth the 8 hour slog to get here.

I was chilling in my room listening to some Billy Joel when the other occupants slowly came back to the room. Hold on a second. I'm in an 8 bed dorm with 7 birds? JACKPOT! Well done mr reception man on your choice of room for me! I got chatting to one of them, a lass from London who had just finished her English degree, and she kept throwing in names of random poets I'd never heard of. As I had no idea who any of them were, I tried to move the discussion onto music, and she told me some American boy at the bar had never heard of the kinks. Never heard of the kinks! Is this man a lunatic? Is he not a big music fan? No he is both sane and enjoys music. THEN WHY HAS HE NEVER HEARD OF THE KINKS?! I felt like finding the guy and slapping him with a wet fish, but resisted the urge.

I went out and had a donner kebap for tea, that's right people, donner meat in a bap. It was class. When I got back to the hostel it was getting late, so I decided just to call it a night and listen to some Bon Jovi before falling asleep. I fell asleep and dreamt I was a cowboy wandering around Vienna shooting people with a guitar. Is there something in the water here?

Day Nine - Czech Out My Melody

As you can see I love a good pun, then again who doesn't?

Armed with only a map the soldier of fortune burst out on the streets of Prague, ready to see some sights. I decided the trams could hit a bolt, and I would walk everywhere. Big mistake. Prague is a hilly bitch of a city, and I hadn't really taken this into account. This decision would come back to bite me in the ass big style later on.

First off, I headed towards the old city square, passing loads of cool buildings on the way. There was however, one building I couldn't pass by. Footlocker. The feeling I get when seeing a new footlocker is akin to a religious zealot stumbling upon an unlooked for relic or artefact. I think. Anyway I went in and ended up buying a new Adidas hoody, yaldy.

After that detour I ended up at the old city square, which was worth walking to. There were some cool churches around the edge and a big ass fountain in the middle, banging. You can see from my use of such technical terms as "big ass" and "banging" that I'm a real architectural buff.

Up ahead I the distance, I saw a shimmering light. Well not a shimmering light exactly but a gothic castle on top of a massive hill, close enough. Remember people there is always an excuse for using Eagles lyrics. Anyway my next destination seemed clear to me, I was going to climb this massive hill to go to the castle.

This is where the decision to tell the trams to jam it came back and struck me down like a bolt of lightning. By the time I was halfway up I was gasping for a drink, and by the time I was at the top I was truly fucked (apologies for my use of French, but as Billy Connolly says if someone can tell me another word to use which conveys the same sentiment, I'll gladly use it).

I had a seat for half an hour to bask in the glory of climbing the hill, and watched as people older and in worse shape than me happily strode up the hill as if it was flat. I really need to quit the fags and hit the gym. After walking about the castle for a bit (which was awesome, everything in this city is) I walked for miles right across the other side of the city to get back to the hostel.

I must have lost at least 3 stone in sweat alone from all the walking, and speaking of sweat I went for a shower as I was stinking. Had a few drinks in the evening with some Geordie lasses from my dorm, and headed for my bed as I had to be up early for the train to Vienna the next morning. All in all, a good day was had by all.

Day Eight - Czech Mate

Another day of travelling ahead, but first I had to finish off my washing as it was still damp. I thought the Germans were supposed to be efficient with technology? Once that was done, I set out again. On a side note, the public transport in this city is remarkable, s-bahn, u-bahn, trams, buses, the works. And they are always on time. Ann Gloag and Brian Soutar, take note of how it should be done.

Berlin - Prague
I got on the train at Berlin Hauptbahnof (which itself is an incredible building, made mostly of glass). This train was different from the previous trains, in that it was all small compartments of six seats. It was awesome. I felt like I was Roger Moore in an old James Bond film, whizzing across Europe to put an end to some evil scheme. I got talking to two English lads, one of whom was writing a novel while he travelled, using a book by George Orwell on how to write. I took a look at what he had written, and had to stop myself from laughing. It was basically the exact start of 1984 with different character names. Clearly the boy had taken Orwell's influence a bit too far!

As the train pulled into Prague I got my first look at the beautiful city, with it's church towers and rustic architecture. Walking up to the hostel I got an even better look, even the normal apartment buildings were stunning, I could tell already that I would enjoy this city.

I decided just to have a leisurely wander around the streets in the evening, getting lost looking at the buildings. I decided against visiting the famous Wenceslas Square, both due to the horror stories you hear of Gypsy muggers and because it's ridiculously touristy, which is not what I'm in Prague for (I'm not here for the brothels either Mr Hart, before you say anything).

Turned in for an early night so I'm up bright and breezy in the morning, plenty of walking to be done tomorrow!

Day Seven - Wet Wet Wet

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes. Yes it's still raining in Berlin but yet again the weather will not stop this intrepid adventurer seeking out yet more sights to be seen.

My prediction that the Spanish lads would not be up to go out around the town was only half right, Lucas and Isaac were up and wanted to come with me, so the three amigos set out.

First stop was the Berlin Wall. Some of the artwork was incredible, and I even found one painted by a Scottish woman which was a nice little reminder of home. Of course the most famous of the paintings on the wall has to be the one of Leonid Brezhnev and Erich Honecker kissing, which was destroyed in 2009 during the restoration of the wall. Thankfully, it has been repainted, it is a piece of history now and should stay there.

Next we headed for Alexanderplatz and the TV tower. 11 euros to go to the top of a tall tower with no good view because of the rain is a bit steep though, so we decided against it and headed for the Brandenburg Gate instead. After having a good look at that, and the neighbouring Reichstag, we headed for Checkpoint Charlie.

Checkpoint Charlie was the primary border crossing between West Germany and East Germany, and now there is a museum dedicated to the various methods used to escape to the west. Some of the methods were ingenious, one guy built a mini submarine from scratch and used it to escape across the Baltic Sea to Denmark, another created a zip line across the wall and escaped with his wife and child. On the other hand though, some people were not fortunate enough to make it to the other side, many were shot by DDR guards trying to escape, and some of the stories were very hard to read. Seeing the price some people were willing to pay to escape, really hits home how hard it must have been to live in the DDR.

After that we headed back to the hostel as we were absolutely soaking and knackered. After a hot shower and something to eat we were back in the game! No going out tonight for me as I needed to do some washing, so I had a few beers in the bar with the lads and a few games of pool. These boys might be good at getting the women chatting but they couldn't play pool for love nor money, at least I can do something right!

Day Six - Ich Bin Ein Berliner!

The rain was still coming down in torrents, but when did rain ever stop a Scotsman? Time to get some sightseeing done!

First stop on my list was Cafe Sybille, a museum with some stuff about the East Germans in it. After walking in the pishing rain to get there the place was shut. Great start!

Next I decided to go to the DDR museum, again a museum about the East (the DDR bit might have given that away), as you no doubt know I'm a massive communist so I love all that sort of guff. The museum was quite small, but had some interesting exhibits, including a fully furnished DDR style apartment. There was also an entire wall dedicated to nudism, apparently they were big into that in the east, who knew? After an hour or two of looking at that wall I decided to move on.

I jumped on the S-bahn next, to go to the Berlin zoo. The bloke at the entrance said it wouldn't really be worthwhile as most of the animals were in their huts, apparently raging at the rain. So I took his advice and hit a slack bolt back to the subway, but what's this? A bloke giving me a flier for the erotic museum across the road? That sounds like something I would enjoy!

The erotic museum can only be described as the most hilarious place which is supposed to be serious I've ever been to. I tried wandering around with the other people who were really interested in the history of erotica, but there's only so many Japanese cartoons of comically sized genitalia you can look at before you have to burst out laughing. Apparently laughing is frowned upon, so I left them to it and fired back to the hostel for a kip before the big night out with the lads!

The lads had got some Irish birds back to the room for some pre-club bevvying, and luckily enough one of the lasses spoke Spanish so we had an interpreter for the night! We all ended up in a club called "The Matrix" which was a bit of a hole, but the lads were cracking banter. On the way back to the hostel the lads got chatting to some more females, honestly these Spanish boys don't even have to try, it's incredible to watch them in action.

Back to the hostel and it was bed time for me (it was 6 in the morning after all) but the rest of the lads stayed up drinking in the bar, don't think they'll be seeing many sights tomorrow!

Day Five - Herzlich Willkommen in Berlin

Grudgingly I left the Mexican temptress behind (my aftershave didn't work, damn you Giorgio Armani!) and headed for the station to get the next leg of the journey underway!

Hamburg - Berlin
I got on the express train only to find that all of the seats were reserved even though no one was sitting in them, and when I asked the conductor if I could sit in an unused seat she told me no, clearly she's never heard the Burt Bacharach classic "A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sitting there". The hard nosed bint, you wouldn't get this rubbish on good old British Rail would you? Ended up chatting to some liverpudlian lads in the same predicament (I say chatted, they spoke while I frantically looked for a google translator for scouse), and we decided she could jam it, and sat down anyway. A good long chat about footy ensued, the boy told me he hated Walter Smith because he ran over his foot once and broke it, I personally would have been honoured if Sir Walter had run over my foot. The conductor came back and told us to move so we told her to jam it again, she wasn't amused but she didn't come back, a victory for the British!

The weather in Berlin is absolutely shocking, torrential rain. Even more shocking was that my first though wasn't "shit I'm going to get wet", it was "hoho someone's in for some flood claims if this keeps up". Once an underwriter, always an underwriter.

Eventually I got to my hostel and up to my room, to find all the other beds occupied by lads spark out sleeping. So I decided to take a nap as well as I was going nowhere in that rain. Woke up about six and they were all still sleeping, so decided to go and get something to eat. CURRYWURST! I had forgotten how good it is, a meal of champions if ever there was one.

By the time I got back to the room the rest of the lads were up, 7 mentalists from Madrid, and possibly the nicest guys I've met since I've been away. After 5 minutes they were telling me to come and stay with them in Madrid and they would show me all the party hotspots, and they were now my Spanish family!

To go off on a slight tangent as I am known to do at times, the British attitude to foreign languages is shocking. Yes they make us learn French or German in school, but what use are those languages other than for their own country? Half the bloody world speaks Spanish and I can only barely order a beer or some ice cream in that language. The arrogance of most of our (glorious) nation in expecting everyone else to speak English is a disgrace, I shall be writing a strongly worded letter to the education authority upon my return!

I decided not to go out as I wanted to get a good sleep for plenty of sight seeing the next day, so I said cheerio to them and they went out to get smashed. Watch out Berlin, tomorrow night Pedro is hitting the clubs hard with the Spanish posse!

Day Four - Beatles and Boats

I woke up slightly grumpy today as the Chinese guy next to me had been snoring all night, which infuriated me no end. I went down for the breakfast in the hostel, which also infuriated me as it was gash.

Not to be downhearted, I checked my iPad for things to do in hamburg. Hold on, there's a massive Beatles museum here?!? JACKPOT. I was excited for the first time since the bananabar. I got my walking legs on and took on the trek to the museum. Who knew the Beatles lived in Hamburg before they made it big? Certainly not me! The museum was excellent, particularly one story of how George and Paul put a condom on a nail hanging from a wall and set it on fire, thereby getting done for arson. Those jokers!

After the museum I went for a long wander, and ended up at the harbour where the boat tours were leaving from, so thought I might as well go on one. In my typical British arrogance I assumed the tour would be in English, it is after all for tourists. WRONG. The entire thing was in German and I didn't have a clue what the guy was saying. Still I went for a jolly on a boat for an hour so it wasn't too bad.

It was getting near tea time so I went and had some more German meat (steady now). Asking for stuff without salad is becoming such a pain that I'll either have to start eating it or just pick it off myself, probably the latter option.

I retired to my room to read for a while and think about going out for a few swallies, when what can only be described as a Latina goddess entered the room and bagsy'd the bed next to me. Cha-ching! Maybe Hamburg isn't so bad after all!

Day Three - Hiya Germany!

I woke up in fine fettle on my last day in Amsterdam, ready to get the real travelling under way. Humming Bilbo's travelling song to myself I headed for Amsterdam Centraal Station, and got the three part journey to Hamburg started.

First leg - Amsterdam to Hilversum
Nothing much happened on this leg as it was only half an hour, apparently there are no international trains from Amsterdam so I had to go to this backwater place to really get going.

Second leg - Hilversum to Osnabruck
Struck up a conversation with some Irish birds heading for Berlin and had a game of UNO with them, which helped pass the time. Also, when we crossed the German border, three blokes got chucked off the train by policemen with guns. I presumed they were carrying some illegal substances across the border but I never found out unfortunately.

Third leg - Osnabruck to Hamburg
The conductors messages all being in German are now beginning to annoy me as I have no clue what he is saying. A nun sat next to me for a while which was a little awkward, I though about sharing some militant atheism with her but decided against it, the message would only be weakened in translation.

As soon as I stepped out of the train station and saw lassies wearing nice dresses with Nike air max trainers, I knew I was in Germany. Magic.

I made it to the hostel ok, and went to check in. Unfortunately I booked the hostel for June, not July. Well done son, well done. Fortunately there was a spare bed for 2 nights so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

After having a siesta (is it still called a siesta if you have it in Germany?) I decided to get some proper German food. What else am I going to eat here other than hamburgers? After that I headed for the debauchery of the Reeperbahn. It was like a mini-Amsterdam, but not as good. I wandered about for a bit, got a few drinks then fired back to the hostel.

Hamburg so far hasn't been all it's cracked up to be, the nightlife is supposed to be the biggest draw, maybe it's better in a group but for me Amsterdam beats it without breaking a sweat. Hopefully I can find some sights tomorrow to make up for it!

Day Two - Party Time

Day 2 started well. I decided I wanted some grapes for breakfast so I went and found some. Check me out all continental with the fruit breakfast eh? The grapes plus the mouthful of banana I had last night mean I've eaten more fruit since I got here than I have in the past six months, if they served bananas at home like they do here I think I'd have a potassium overdose.

I thought about doing some touristy things, so decided to go and see the Amsterdam ArenA - home of the mighty Ajax. I got to the stadium, where a security guard showed me a group I could join who were about to start the tour. What the Dutch clown didn't tell me, was that I needed a ticket before I joined the group. I got halfway round the other side of the stadium where the tour entered and the boy chucked me off it. I wasn't waiting another hour in the middle of nowhere for the next one, so that was a colossal waste of time.

After that debacle, I decided the gods were telling me not to do any sightseeing, so I headed back to my hostel in the middle of the red light district (where there were more than enough sights to be seen). The rest of the day is a bit of a blur as I ended up getting hammered with 4 English boys from my dorm in the hostel, although my post on Facebook to let Auntie Angela know what was happening seems to suggest I had a blast!

Day One - Pedro does Amsterdam

An early start this morning as mother Reilly drove me through to Edinburgh airport, and the discussion soon turned to trying to remember which James Bond film had the gondola chase scene through Venice in it. Neither of us could remember, so if you know leave it in a comment as it's driving me nuts and googling is cheating.

After that stimulating conversation, I saw something I couldn't quite believe. The plane being boarded before mine was bound for Greenland, and it was full! Do these people not know if they waited an hour to walk through that door they wouldn't be going to a place full of ice, they'd be going to a place full of hookers and drugs? The stupidity of some people!

The flight was not uneventful either, as I was sat next to a man I nicknamed "Weegie Boab" in my head, who proceeded to tell me "Moan the weed". Clearly Amsterdam attracts a highly intellectual crowd.

After getting checked into the hostel, I decided to go for a wander, having no map and no actual clue where I was. Predictably after an hour, I was lost in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully my bloodhound like sense of smell (which is being worked overtime in this town) managed to get me back on the beaten track and headed towards the hostel again, at which point I came across the famous Bulldog coffeeshop, around the corner from the comically named "Grill Toby" kebab shop.

After an afternoon of drinking coffee, I decided to go for a nap as the coffee aroma was very strong and had made me somewhat dazed.

As I write I've just woken up extremely excited as they are going to be showing Dunfermline v St Mirren tonight, which has got game of the season written all over it in invisible ink. Who knows, I may go down to a local fruit and veg shop to get one of my five a day. It would be rude not to wouldn't it?